Why am I here

I
was going through some papers the other day and came across this one.
January the 13th of 2002, I was baptized. The Pastor had asked me to
write a little something about what had brought me to this decision.
Now, I had 2 weeks to write this but for the life of me, I could not put
it into words. Then, just 2 days before the baptism, it just came to me
while I was at work. I would like to share with you what I wrote. The
paper is titled "Why am I here?"

I am here because I am 6 years younger than my older brother and I
usually did whatever he did. When I was 13, my older brother came home
all excited. Talking about Jesus and heaven and all the gifts of God. He
told me that God would bestow upon me these gifts. Gifts such as the
gift of music. At 13 I envisioned myself playing in a band and being
popular. So I went to church every Sunday, but I never changed. Sin
today, ask to be forgiven tomorrow. Only, the sin became more frequent
and the asking of forgiveness less so. But that's not why I'm here.

I am here because at 20 I had just joined the army and found myself in a
whole different world. A world where every move I made got me yelled
at, a world where my feet began to hurt me severely. So I turned to God.
I prayed through 6 weeks of basic and I prayed through 2 weeks of
combat engineering. By the second week of AIT, I was informed that I was
being sent home. The doctors decided that I had a birth defect in my
feet. Problem solved and the pain went away and so did my need for God.
But that's not why I'm here.

I am here because at 24 I found that I couldn't control my drinking as
much as my drinking controlled me. After drinking up my school loan in a
6 week time span, I lost my schooling, my apartment and my job all in
the same week. Returning home with my tail between my legs, I awakened
from a restless sleep worrying about my future. Again I ran for cover
and once again I went to church and once again I made an outward change
while staying the same inside. Soon I found work and new friends and new
temptations or I should say the same old ones wrapped in new packages.
It is always much easier to live as the world lives. But that's not why
I'm here.

I am here because at 39, while working at a new job, I met a man who was
about my age and professed to be a Christian. Only, I noticed that
while he talked the talk, he didn't walk the walk. He worried too much
about being accepted by his peers and the world. His Christianity was
more outward than inward. As I looked closer and closer at this man I no
longer began to see him. I began to see me.

I knew that I did not want this to be the sum of my life. Now the
question is "could I be forgiven"? I suddenly realized that this need,
this desire had been there for a long time. So I talked to God and
opened my heart for the first time in my life. I began to pray honestly
for the first time in my life. And now, at 40, I began to understand for
the first time in my life that I had sinned against one who has shown
me nothing but love and mercy. Now, through this mercy, I can say for
the first time in my life, "I am a Christian". I am a Christian, not
because someone I looked up to is or because I want something that will
make me popular. I am a Christian, not because I've found myself in some
situation that I find difficult or because of physical pain. I am a
Christian, not because I'm out of work and don't know what else to do
with my time.

I am a Christian because Christ died on the cross for me and through his
sacrifice and mercy I am forgiven. I know and understand finally that:

I am blessed with the greatest gift this world has ever seen, Christ our Lord
I am sheltered, physical pain and hardships of life no longer matter.
I am covered in peace, I need no longer worry about things of this world "for the Lord is my shepherd and I shall not want".
I am forgiven and I want the world and it's prince to know.
That's why I am here.